I'm in a holiday mood!

I can’t wait till my work day is over. It’s only 10am and I’m impatient to get off work already. We’re off to Beijing tonight! *Grin* We have 5 days there and the itinerary is pretty well planned out for all the days.

The last time I was there was some 13 or 14 years ago. Speaking of “years” ago, I will be growing a year older when we’re there. Last year this time, I was in West Africa, working. On my birthday, the waiters in the hotel “serenaded” me with an African-style birthday song at my breakfast table. One of my colleagues also offered me a “treat” - Maggi cup noodle! Yes it was a treat considering you’re in Africa and eating non-Malaysian food for weeks.

So this year, perhaps I’ll get a Chinese-style birthday song in Beijing? Oh well, song or no song, I don't care. I just want to holiday! =)

Girls night out

I had dinner plans with my cousins last night. We haven't gotten together for quite a while and since J came back from Singapore for a short break, we made it a point to catch up. Furthermore, in another 2 months, M will be moving to Beijing. We will be so scattered and catching up is probably once a year event if everyone comes home for Chinese New Year.

Anyway, I was getting dressed and decided to put away my favourite and seasoned jeans for those that I've not worn for ages. I fished out a pair of jeans I bought last year and to my horror, it won't push pass my hips! I got out another pair and again that too didn't fit! This is the first time that I can't get into my clothes. Before this, I've put on old clothes that fit a little tighter than before but never at any time that they won't even fit. To me, it was a BIG thing.

Since I was already running late, I went back to my old faithful. And so we went, headed to Fatty Crabs and ate too much crabs with bread, fried chicken wings and satay. After dinner we headed elsewhere for drinks. While they had Sangria, I was sipping sweetened mango juice followed by a glass of rich, iced chocolate. Obviously, I've forgotten the time when I couldn't fit into my jeans.

We laughed a lot, mostly because M was constantly an amusement to the rest of us. For one thing, she had recently lost her denture and so the gaping hole in her mouth was enough to make us laugh. Her 2-year old daughter had knocked her head against her tooth and her denture cracked. We asked why doesn't she just get it replaced, and she said she's embarrassed because she had gotten 4 replacements already and her dentist may be sick of her. And we were like "So you're not embarrassed to go toothless??". Apparently not.

Jokes aside, we also had a lot of private talks about our own lives. Things we find hard to share with even those closest to us, we found it easy to tell each other. I will miss our night-outs when M moves away. She's the glue that holds the rest of us together. Though she's not the oldest amongst us, she acts like our Big Sister. But then again, we each have a life to lead and if it leads us to live in different corners of the world for the sake of a marriage, we have to accept and be happy for each other.

Don't watch Alias with a Cat

Despite what I said yesterday that I was looking forward to having a cat snuggle up to me and kneading me while I watch one of my favourite programs, Alias, I find that it isn't the right recipe to relax.

I learned this through a literally painful lesson.

Alias is always exciting and sends you into suspense mode. I should've known that by now and take heed. Especially since the last couple of weeks have seen the team getting very near to their Rambaldi chase.

Anyway, Piper came up next to me, resting her head on my leg while she lied down and began kneading my leg. We were doing fine, like any other night that we sit that way and watch TV. Prue was all stretched out on the floor enjoying the cool while Phoebe, as usual, was behind the curtain watching the night go by outside.

It was yet another great episode of Alias with a lot of emotions thrown in this time. When all the fighting ended and everything returned to good and normal, it was signalling the end of the episode, right? No. Not for Alias.

The biggest unexpected "scare" came right at the end and I literally jumped from my seat. This obviously scared Piper as she too jumped and quickly ran for cover. I went to her, her eyes were big and ears all up and alert. I put my palm on her chest and felt the poor girl's heartbeat thumping so fast.

After calming her, I felt a sharp pain on my thigh. I looked and saw that Piper had scratched me by accident when I scared her. Ouch!!!

Cat or dog lovers or lover of any pets that has sharp claws, don't make the same painful mistake.

A new kind of Monday

Today is my “Monday” at work since I was away attending training for the last 3 days. Stepping into office today, I felt my usual Monday blues, except I tell myself it’s only 2 days to the weekend. There are lots to catch up for the “lost” 3 days and more to catch on for next week when I’ll be away, freezing my butt off in Beijing.

As soon as I got in, I was quickly updated on what went on for the week and immediately got into gear to dive into work. As usual, there are the Urgent and Very Urgent matters at hand, but nothing that is Not Urgent. Anyway, the one aspect of my job that I like is that I get to talk with many people from different divisions because I need to deal with them regularly. I would feel rather bored if I had to stay within the boundaries of my own department and division.

So today I welcomed the break of roaming 2 whole floors to see everybody that I needed to visit to sign off my papers. It’s surprising how refreshing it can be for an otherwise dull and routine day behind the desk.

During one of my “stop-over”, another colleague waved me over to his work station where I spent a good 10 minutes chit-chatting. In the course of our conversation, he said in life we all need to be driven by something. If we don’t have a target to push ourselves towards, then life is boring.

He told me a story of himself as a fresh graduate and working the hard way to learn to become where he is now. And then he said to me, why not give myself an additional push to look forward to by doing something I cannot do. I sat back, thought about it, and decided I don’t need a push right now. I have many pull and push factors currently driving my life. Additional pushes may just throw me over the cliff. I told him frankly that now is not the right time for me. I believe everything has its own time and I’m already having a fair bit to deal with now.

The conversation ended with him asking me to think it through very seriously. What I was hoping to be carefree chats suddenly ended on a serious, future seeking matter instead. The famous phrase from Forrest Gump is quite apt here, "Life is like a box of chocolate. You'll never know what you're gonna get".

It’s another hour or so before I endure the traffic home. No hope for an easy drive home. But what I do look forward to is to have a cat snuggle up beside me, kneading me with her paws while I watch Alias tonight.

On a dry spell

It's been a week I haven't touched my blog. Didn't have anything to say? Well yeah, not really.

Anything worthy to say now?

Nope. Never really did anyway.

Suffering from information overload and feel like a zombie.

Once bitten, try again?

I don't know if it's just me or there are others like me.

When having encountered some not so pleasant times with someone, you decide you don't like him or her. He/she seems evil. Evidence are everywhere, not just hearsay evidence, but directly witnessed yourself. Not only that, but you've even been the victim of some nasty behaviour from the person.

And so it goes on and you've made up your mind you dislike the person and he/she is definitely someone to stay away from, never to be trusted. But circumstances bring you to be in constant contact with him/her and there is no way out.

Then one day, you notice that the person is being nice. It doesn't happen over-night. You actually see the gradual progression. Others have noticed too. But the others, like you who don't like him/her, maintain their reservations and only say "Let's see how soon it'll go back to the old ways". In other words, no one believes that he/she can change to be nice.

So you too adopt the same defensive position to wait and see. Things are going OK and the bad times you've seen aren't happening so far. Now you start thinking, "Can a leopard really change its spots?" There is still doubt whether the change is real, whether it is just a manipulation, whether it is sustainable.

I have experienced that. And you know what? Sometimes life seems happier if you don't doubt and just take things at face value. Just believe that people can be good and that people can change for the better. Sure it is still not going to be as perfect as you want it to be, but as long as things are pleasant, that is quite enough to call it a good day.

I think most people find it hard to trust because it means letting your guard down and by doing that you get bumped when things don't go right. It is a natural defense mechanism and it takes effort to overcome it.

Nonetheless, I'm one who think that life is short and unpredictable. So if I can have a moment to be happy, I'll take it. I'm not perfect and sometimes I may go back to my old ways of judging too quickly and building up my barriers, but I will try.

Everyone deserves a second chance. Besides, if one day I'm the nasty one and realise that I need to change, I too hope that I can be sincerely given a second chance.

How sick can one's mind get?

I got a forwarded mail from a colleague yesterday. The subject title didn’t indicate much of anything. So, unsuspectingly, I opened the first attachment. It was a photo of a woman holding a kitten. The following attachments shocked and horrified me. They were the pictures of the infamous kitten killer of Hangzhou who crushed a kitten to death using her stiletto heels.

The pictures were the most disturbing ones I’ve seen. I couldn’t stop thinking about it all day. When I got home to my three princesses, I went to hug them and watched them play for most of the night.

Till now, the gruesome pictures still play in my mind. I really hope the authority finds this woman and she gets punished for her cruel and inhumane act. A word of caution to others, if you receive the same email with these pictures, it’s not worth seeing.

Just not my luck

As usual, this morning I drove through the entrance of the car park I always use. The two guys who normally write the parking receipt and take my money were busy chatting and scanning the newspapers. I was a little bit annoyed that they paid me no attention because I was losing precious minutes and I didn’t want to sign in late to work. Even after calling out to them to hurry, they showed me the time-out gesture and continued speaking in their own mother tongue which I didn’t understand.

Finally, they turned to me and smiled. One of them said “Kena nombor lah” (strike lottery). It was a totally unexpected statement and I only blinked back. Then he picked up the papers and showed me some columns where my 4-digit car plate number was printed as one of the winning numbers. They asked if I had bought and I said no, just too bad.

I could’ve used a small bonus…but each time I’m so near yet so far from striking anything. My car plate number has been a winning number for many times and I got nothing each time. OK, it’s also because I only buy numbers at most twice a year or so.

Anyway, after that I started recalling back to Saturday night, when we were driving in town and we came to a stop behind a car that had the same 4-digit number as my car. I casually pointed it out to Ray and he said something like “Never kena also…” Should I have taken heed of that and buy lottery the next day? If I had, I could’ve been a couple hundreds (I don't buy large amounts so let's not think in thousands) richer today.

Having said that, I think it is not meant to be for me. Lady luck has never been on my side whenever it comes to gambling. So be it...looks like I'm meant to work to earn my keeps.

Better than aromatherapy massages?

This is most therapeutic for me and perhaps just what I need for a relaxing weekend.

Changing of seasons

It's Friday and I'm glad. The week has been a busy one at work with multiple things to do all at once. It's been building up for several weeks, and I think the last 2 weeks have seen the peak of it. Towards the end of this week, things have pretty much slowed down and I'm able to take a breather sometimes.

To sum up my week, there's been too many meetings, a huge amount of pressure to get things done on a to-be-done-yesterday basis, some good news that cheered me up and gave me a little more motivation, and other times just plain moody.

I would say it's been quite a roller coaster ride; somedays riding high and laughing; somedays quiet and reflective; somedays quite emotional watching or reading something touching; somedays thankful and contented; somedays I'm ultra-sensitive and get easily irritable.

It's like I'm in Melbourne where one can experience all four seasons in a day. It gets quite overwhelming. Even the way I write is not very coherent anymore.

For now, I'm tired. There's a sense of satisfaction over work completed, but there's also more anxiousness mounting as the personal list of "To-Do" remains untouched.

May You Be Blessed

No matter how busy you are, I hope you spare a few minutes to view this. May you be blessed with all things good in life.

"May You Be Blessed."

Note: It takes a while to load but patience pays off. Also, turn on your speaker.

The temptation

A few nights ago, I met up with a friend I’ve not seen for more than a year. When we met, he asked along another friend to join us. Our conversations were light and easy, talking about the usual things like work, life in general and more idle talk and jokes. Somehow, it led to talking about addiction to TV shows. We each have our own craze and following of some programs.

I said I’ll work hard at not being a slave to the TV but find it hard when shows like Desperate Housewives is soon making a return with Season 2. This new friend was trying to play the role of a devil’s advocate by saying he’s got plenty of shows readily available. I said “Thanks, but no thanks”. I was so proud of my determination.

Now, a few days later, I receive a package in the office.

I open it and see a black CD box without any labels.

I flip open the box and find…..

The new season of Desperate Housewives!!

It came without a sender’s name or note, but I know it is the work of The Devil’s Advocate trying to tempt me from the previous night's conversation.

Now that I have the power CD in-hand, gone is my determination to stay away from the TV.

HELP!!

Part of my daily diet

It's another 2 hours before the day ends. I just have to squeeze in a line or two on any of my blogs. "Nothing better to do with your life?", you ask me.

Let me put it this way:

Have you written a journal before? I did way back during my teenage days. Everyday, you'd open up the journal and fill up the pages. It doesn't matter that it's rantings about nothing. Blogging is like that.

I feel good seeing words coming out of nothing. I might not make sense to others but it gives me pleasure. Also, in my opinion, somethings are easier written out then said outloud. Have you tried writing a letter to someone, spilling all about your inner most feelings, instead of talking face to face? If you have, then you know what I mean.

On a related topic, De Bookworm also loves blogging. So much so that she thinks she's "addicted" to it and gives herself a daily quota!

Anyhow, it's getting late and I should spend some time doing other things that matter.

Time out

I've been busy with work lately. By busy I don't mean I work till late, because I prefer to work hard smart during official hours rather than stay late to prove my hardwork or dedication. (But hey for those who stay late, don't be offended by my own opinion, ya?)

So by busy, I mean almost every minute in the office is occupied with something urgent and important. It'll be like this for a while longer. This happens only because we suddenly had an influx of ideas from all over to do too many things in too little time. Ho-hum.

So I shall be dropping a little less lines in my blogs.

Later!

Dusty Roads

Recently, I started Dusty Roads, a personal project which brings me back to the times of my childhood and teen days. It brings back all kinds of memories, good and bad.

Things seen and felt through the eyes of a child were much simpler. Now, when I think back of those times and start to understand things better, I feel a tinge of sadness that I have been out of touch with people who showered me with so much love and the fact that I never quite realised it before.

When I was young, I was very close to some of my extended family members. They took turns to care for me while my parents were at work. They are not physically or verbally expressive people, so there were never hugs and kisses or words like "I love you". Now when I look back at the gestures, I realise that they took very good care of me and protected me not because I was a responsibility to them, but because they genuinely loved their niece.

I also realise that the meals made and waited on me were nothing less than an act of love. Taking the time to shower a rebellious child and coaxing her to take an afternoon nap were never the easiest of jobs had there been no love. And despite some of them being low or average income earners then, they would fish out dollars in their pockets to buy me things I demanded. As a child, you're always unreasonable when you know not the value of money. And yet, they were always generous with me.

As I reminisce and understand their love today, I feel a deep urge to tell them how much I appreciate them. But some things don't change, since we as a family are not expressive, I don't know how to tell or show them without the awkwardness that may come with it.

Trick me, trick my brain

Have you seen illusions where what you see is not what it seems? Don’t we wonder how we could see things that are or aren’t there?

The diagonal lines are actually parallel to each other.

All the lines in this "distorted" square are straight lines.

A friend, SL, once told me that when we take medication like Panadol as a remedy for headaches, it doesn’t work to attack the pain. What it does is to “trick” the brain to tell it that it feels no pain. When it successfully does that, then we feel relief from the headache. Isn’t it a wonder how easily we get “tricked” by drugs?

Now imagine the cases of multiple personality disorder. How amazing can one’s brain get, to be able to store different personalities in one body? What’s more amazing is how one personality could speak in a language that is totally unknown to another personality. How could our brain work to segregate such knowledge? It’s as if it compartmentalizes our abilities and knowledge and keep them separate for different identities.

If our brain is capable of tricking us in such a complex manner, what else can’t we be tricked into? Hypnotism, that’s a form of tricking the mind into a subconscious state to reveal a conscious memory.

There’s also a kind of therapy for people who are mentally disturbed to “erase” that part of the memory that is very painful. How on earth did people discover such clever methods to use the brains?

I’m dumb-founded. But, it’s Friday and I should take it easy and not ask myself questions I can’t answer. But if anyone has something to share, I would sure like to know.

So, TGIF, everybody! Have a great weekend ahead.

I'm only human

Being
sickAND

stressed...

Not a good combination.

Yesterday I developed a bad sore throat. I was sitting in the conference room, in a meeting, when my throat felt dry and uneasy. By the time I was hitting the road home, it felt awfully painful whenever I swallowed. It even hurt when I spoke.

Got home and Mom made me 2 glasses of thick chlorophyll drink to ease the throat. It helped quite a bit. I woke up this morning with runny nose. I didn't feel well at all. But there was a meeting I had to attend this morning and some papers needed to be out. So I went to work.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a workaholic. It's just that I know if I don't show up today, I'll be cursed at.

While sitting in the same conference room this morning, I was shivering from the cold despite wearing quite a thick top and jacket. My body ached. My lower back felt like it was going to snap anytime and my legs were weak and numb.

After the meeting, I got on with the papers and knowing Murphy's law too well, things just can't seem to get on quite smoothly and there were more complications about those papers. By then my eyes were watery and I felt myself breathing out hot air. I needed to see a doctor and go home to sleep. So I did whatever I could and left at lunch time.

My voice has changed and I was feverish. The little piece of metal on my handbag strap felt like ice on my arm and I winced. The doctor confirmed I was running quite a high temperature. She was shocked that my throat was quite badly inflamed, too. She issued me 2 days of medical leave and I was glad to have it because at that time I felt like a zombie nearing death!

Anyway, I got home, took the medication and went to bed. When I woke up, I got an SMS from my colleague to say boss wants me to attend a meeting tomorrow afternoon. Just when I felt better physically, the stress of work came back to haunt me. I don't think I'm up to it to drive through the traffic and sit in a meeting for hours while under medication.

On the one hand, I was angry when saw the message, but on another, I felt guilty if I didn't show up.

So, to go or not to go?

My aching body says no, but my guilty heart says maybe I should. I know it's a matter of mind over body, but I'm also just human. When I get my sick leave, I just want to spend it away from the office...